Monthly Archives: October 2014


Divorce vs. Death

Why is it when we separate from those we love, whether it is by choice, or not the pain is so significant? One might be in a relationship that is abusive, either physical, verbal, sexual, and/or mental, even those that are very difficult each and every day to live with are painful to separate from.  A divorce or a breakup is painful because it represents a significant loss, much like death.  The dreams one once shared with another human being are no longer there. When relationships fail, the commitment has been broken and we feel profound disappointment stress and grief. When death occurs there is a sense of no turning back.

Whether one is dealing with separation, divorce or death it brings individuals into new territory. Everything is disrupted: your routine and responsibilities, your home, your relationships with extended family and friends, and even your identity. A separation, divorce and even death bring uncertainty about the future. What will life be like without your partner? Will you find someone else? Will you end up alone? These unknowns often seem worse than an unhappy relationship.

Recovering from these types of situations is often very difficult. However, it’s important to know (and to keep reminding yourself) that you can and will move on. But healing takes time, so be patient with yourself and the process.


  • It is ok to have different feelings. It is normal to go through a series of feelings that include sadness, anger, exhaustion, frustration and confusion, all which can be very overwhelming. You may feel anxious about the future. Accepting these reactions is very important and learning to understand what you are going through is normal although at times very frightening.
  • Give yourself permission to feel and to function at different level for a period of time. You may not be able to be as productive on the job or care for others exactly the way you are accustomed to for a little while. Give yourself the time to heal and re-energize. For those of you that have children or loved ones to care for, remember in order to effectively care for others, we must learn to take care of ourselves physically, mentally and spiritually, so take time for You!
  • Do not feel like you must go through this alone. Sharing your feelings with friends and family can help you get through this period. Consider contacting a life coach or joining a support group where you can talk to others in similar situations. Separating yourself from individuals that are supportive can raise your stress levels, reduce your concentration, and get in the way of your work, relationships, and overall health.
  • While your friends and family are essential for support, it is very important to select your confidant carefully as many individuals even though are supportive may actually make matters worse or lead you down the wrong path by fueling feelings of anger or rage that are unhealthy or share information that only hurts. Choosing a divorce or a life coach can be a healthier and stable choice.